Again. And again. And again.
So I recently met someone who was being physically abused by her ex-husband. She told me he would stay at her place with her kids and wouldn't have to pay for rent or any of the bills. A few months ago, she found out that her ex-husband is seeing another woman and is paying for her rent elsewhere. But she kept taking him back because he always went back to her. A few days ago, they had an argument because he's still seeing the other woman. She yelled at him. He yelled back. He pushed her off. Pushed her again. And again. And again. Until she fell to the ground. He pinned her down. One knee right next to her face, the other right on top of her chest. She could barely breathe. She couldn't move. She couldn't get out. And he hit her. Again. And again. And again. Until she begged him to kill her instead. He didn't.
Even as nothing but a stranger, I felt angry. She was older than me. Probably around my mom's age. I was infuriated. 14 years, they've been divorced.
"I keep taking him back. Because he keeps coming back," she said. "But is he really back when he keeps seeing someone else?," I responded. She couldn't answer. Not out loud.
"You said you've been separated for 14 years and, yet, you're still in this situation. Are you okay with living like this for the rest of your life?" She stayed silent.
She said she has kids. So I asked her how she would feel if they knew about the abuse. She told me they did. They knew. "How would you feel if your kids were in the same kind of relationship?," I asked her. She said she would go after anyone who hurts her kids. I looked at her. "So, why stay with him?" She couldn't answer me then either.
There are times when you're better off alone. Being in circumstances like this is one of them. Don't ever settle for an abusive relationship. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically. Sexually. Abuse is abuse. Don't stay because your partner "keeps coming back". Don't let yourself linger. Leave. Get out.
You are not a punching bag. You are not a doormat.
You're a person. A human being.
Someone worth all the love and care in the world. Not only from others but also from yourself. Give yourself a chance to be happy and loved. Not for the wrong reasons but for the right ones. Often, the person abusing you the most is yourself. Set yourself free. Don't limit yourself. Don't hinder yourself from getting the best out of life. Don't undermine yourself. Someone out there will love you and love you right. You just have to love yourself first.