Dear GOD, help me through this.

For some reason, lately, I’ve been missing everything. Forming a line on the field with my schoolmates for the morning ceremony, having clean-up duty after school and getting in trouble for skipping out to go play, celebrating my birthday with my friends at school, taking the jeep with Manang Inday, making sand castles at the beach, talks on the phone with friends that could last for hours, 7-way calls where we just end up not making sense because there are too many people speaking all at once, getting presents from Santa Claus, waiting outside our pre-Cal class pigging out on some McDs, eating lunch with my close friends, hanging out with family, messing around with the lab equipment with Sarai (oh, how I miss her), having deep conversations with a certain friend on the phone when people were making me cry and when he got his heart broken, watching Youtube videos with Hwan and talking about how we’re gonna go to Korea and stalk as much K-pop as possible, spending time with my best friend laying down on the grass under our tree waiting for my dad to pick me up, just simply wasting time with him arguing about useless irrelevant things, walking on the bright moonlit streets hand in hand with the one who stole my heart. I miss his voice. His hugs. His kisses. I miss him. I just want to experience the simple yet sweet things I used to all over again. There’s no place like home.

Hwan and Sarai! Please come back already so we can laugh about stupid things. I don’t laugh as much as I used to when you guys were still around.

And Rowell Roii Ucat. I miss you and everything about you. Can you please fast forward time so we can be together again and prove to everyone that we’re good for each other? My love, we can make this work.

Not The Type

I'm not the type to just have dreams or technically remember the dreams that I have. But, lately, I’ve been remembering so many of them. All of which have him. At first, they were the typical cheesy dreams with us holding hands and having sweet conversations. When I woke up from them, I’d try so hard to go back to sleep just so I can be with him even if it was only in my dreams. In all the chaos, my dreamland became my solace. Then things started to get weird. I started to worry. Before I knew it, my dreams turned into nightmares. They didn’t have the long walks together or the sound of our laughter anymore. My dreamland was no longer my solace but rather my fear. I would dream that we no longer exist as two people who held on to and for each other but as two people who gave up – that it was just him and me living our own separate lives without each other to lean on. That WE didn’t exist anymore. Ever since then, I’d wake up scared that those nightmares would turn out to be true. People say that dreams have meanings… but what about nightmares?