I had to deliver the news today.
That their loved one died. That her mother passed away. That his wife is gone. 

Times like this, I loathe the side effects of love. The losing. The missing. The pain. I don't want to feel the loss of the love of my life nor do I want to cry over the death of my child. I don't want to relive the moment of when I lose a piece of myself. To drown in the sorrow that comes with absence. To abruptly feel nothing but emptiness. I don't want any of that.

But I do want to love.

To wake up in the morning in his embrace, all nice and warm like our bodies were made to fit perfectly with each other. To feel the butterflies and giggle like a little girl because of something that he said. To hold a precious baby in my arms for the first time after carrying him or her around in my belly for so long. To watch that baby grow into a beautiful human being. To know that there is someone who not only climbs my walls but, instead, breaks them. To look past the imperfections and to accept them as they are. To hear "I love you" meant with the weight of every single word said. To say "I love you" without a doubt or question of whether it's committedly reciprocated. To freely and fully invest myself in someone without the slightest fear of being taken for granted. To care for someone without boundaries. Without conditions. I want to go through life being loved and loving them in return. More than that, I want to live as someone who has a never-ending supply of compassion and empathy. For a husband, a child, a pet, a friend. Even for a neighbor. A stranger. To pay for someone else's meal without them knowing. To open the door for someone just because. To offer help without being asked. To be there even when everyone else has left. As much as I hate the thought of hurting... as much as I dreadfully anticipate it, I would rather have the signs and symptoms of love despite its side effects than go through the lack of it.

I delivered the news today.
That their loved one died. That her mother passed away. That his wife is gone.
But they're never really gone, are they? The memories, the love, the essence of being loved. All of it stays. The loss from love is never as great as the gain from it. And that is why, though I may feel every inch of pain in existence, I will love beyond my heart's extent.