I’ve realized I can’t easily walk away from you even when you've done something to disappoint me. But don’t be mistaken. Just because I can’t walk away doesn’t mean I can’t live without you. Because I can. It simply means you’re too important for me to let go even if I can’t trust you.
I’M SORRY I CAN’T OPEN UP TO PEOPLE THE WAY YOU WANT ME TO. I DON’T USUALLY KNOW HOW MUCH I CAN TAKE UNTIL I’VE ALREADY GONE OVER THE EDGE. AND WHEN I’M LAYING THERE ON MY BED, CRYING MY HEART OUT, I WANT SO BADLY TO RUN TO SOMEONE FOR A SIMPLE HUG… FOR COMFORT. BUT THE MORE I TRY TO COME UP WITH WHO TO CRY OUT TO, THE MORE I THINK TO MYSELF THAT I DON’T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO KNOW AND FEEL THE PAIN I’M GOING THROUGH. AND NEITHER DO I WANT THEIR PITY. SO I’D RATHER LOCK THE DOOR TO MY ROOM, TURN THE LIGHTS OFF AND DROWN MYSELF IN THE BLANKETS THAT WELCOMINGLY EMBRACE ME. I’D RATHER KEEP IT ALL TO MYSELF AND DENY ANYONE ELSE THE CHANCE OF SEEING ME AT MY WEAKEST. I’M SORRY BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.
“Even though it’s good to have friends, make sure you’re protected. That you don’t rely on them completely and that you know how to be on your own.”
“When you really want love, you will find it waiting for you.”
Danelle Rein
So I read this post on Tumblr titled I Love My Best Friend and saw how many people reblogged it and liked it. Idk. It might be just me but I felt like if I just simply reblogged it, it wouldn’t be as sincere as it would be if I actually wrote it myself. The post wouldn’t mean as much. So here it is. My own version of “I Love My Best Friend”.
At one point in our lives, she couldn't stand me. I was still at the peak of my only-child syndrome but, after a while, we became closer than friends. We became sisters. She’s the one I’d spill all my secrets to – all of the little rebellious schemes I had against the world. She’s the one who saw me crying when a boy broke my heart and when I felt like such a failure because I wasn’t good enough. She’s the one I’d talk to about all my problems. Seven years have passed and nothing much has changed. We still influence each other in so many ways. We still laugh our asses off at the stupidest things. We still do stupid things. We’re still comfortable with each other to the point that we can do the weirdest things and not be bothered by any of it. She’s still someone I can’t live without. She still knows my hidden truths and obsessions. Even though we don’t talk or see each other every day, it seems like we never have a day apart because what it all comes down to is: no matter where we are or what we’re doing, we’ve already become a big part of each other’s lives. We didn’t only become best friends. We didn’t only become sisters. We’ve become each other’s inspiration. x
Sense
I never expected it to hurt this much. I figured since we were both used to being so far away from each other, letting go wouldn’t be so difficult. It wasn’t until I was in that moment right before I closed my eyes to catch up on my sleep when I realized that I was beyond dead wrong. I don’t think it was losing the status of being together that got to me. It wasn’t the fear of hurting someone that had me doubting my decision. It was more because of the fact that the bond we once shared was starting to fade and the fear that it will keep on fading into nothing. I started to think some more about my situation and, before I knew it, the seconds it would’ve originally taken me to get to stage 3 sleep morphed into minutes of being wide awake. After a while, I came to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do regardless of my own selfishness. Even though neither of us wanted it to happen, it was the logical way to go. Now, we are without the pressure of having to gain the acceptance of others or the guilt of not being able to be there when we both need each other’s presence. Things are just better this way. This way, things make more sense.
"It’s a little different when you allow God to do the picking and, trust me, he does have someone picked out specifically for you. He won’t be perfect. He won’t say all of the right things. He may not be all of the right things, but he will love you until the end. He will be your best friend. And he will show up on God’s time." —dad-isms
“That’s the dilemma of goodbyes; it’s between your comfort and God’s command.”
"And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing."— 村上春樹 (Haruki Murakami)
"When things are really special, it makes it that much harder to let go."
“We read to know that we are not alone.”